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I hope everybody caught the inimitable Frank Jacobs last week on the PBS multi-part series on the history of American Comedy, “Make’em Laugh.”  They allotted him a minute or so of air-time, squeezed in between Tom Lehrer and Allan Sherman. He gave Sinatra a run for his money, crooning some of his own parody lyrics from “Sing Along with MAD” (1961). Pretty good singing…for a MAD Writer.

As a kid in the 1960s, Frank was my favorite MAD writer. I bought every MAD paperback they put out, but I distinctly remember Frank’s book “For Better or Verse” as something extra special. And I still think it is.

I first met Frank around 1986, while living in Southern California, at my first of the periodic West Coast MAD get-togethers for the freelancers who lived out there (Frank, Sergio, Dave Berg, Arnie Kogen, Tom Koch, Dennis Snee, me).

(It was at this dinner I found out that, for the previous 5 years, I’d been unwittingly living less than 3 miles from Frank – which, in L.A. is like being next-door neighbors!)

Frank and I had lunch or dinner every so often (until a few years later, when I moved out of California), either at my favorite restaurant in the hills above Burbank (which burned down in the 90s); or Frank’s regular joint across from Warner Bros. Studios (which was torn down about the same time, to make way for – more Warner Bros. movie-poster displays!). In spite of the bad luck we seem to have passed on to those particular eateries, these long chats with Frank are some of the fondest memories of my life. (I don’t know how Frank feels about my end of the conversation, but…)

It was Frank who got me perhaps the strangest writing credit on my resume: “Lawrence Welk Entertainment Group.” No, it wasn’t writing one-liners for the Lennon Sisters or snappy put-downs for accordionist Myron Floren — it was a game-show pilot that never made it on the air (But I’ll always have that “Lawrence Welk” check stub!)

The best Frank story I can tell concerns the 1989 MAD Trip, and serves more to illustrate the relationship between Bill Gaines and the “original” Usual Gang of Idiots, like Frank. See, we were among the few smokers left, and this particular trip Frank (a light sleeper) had the misfortune to be assigned to room with me (a heavy snorer)…with predictable, and not-so-zany, results. (I’ve long since stopped even trying to deny the awfulness of my snoring — from the time I was camping in Northern Arizona, and woke MYSELF up, thinking I was the sound of a bear growling outside my tent!)

Anyway, the next morning, a more-bleary-eyed-than-usual Frank explained to Bill, and asked if he couldn’t switch roommates (“No offense, Mike, but…Geez!!!“). When Bill couldn’t work out anything, roommate-switching-wise, he promised Frank that he or his wife Annie (the Logistics Wizard, for MAD Trips, and everything else!) would “arrange something” before nightfall. And they did: despite there being “No Occupancy” signs all over this German tourist town, they somehow booked both of us into a huge 2-bedroom condo/apartment down the street from the hotel — at considerable extra expense, I’m sure, not to mention added time & trouble to find it. That’s what being a Friend of Bill meant!

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Quarterly?! They’re turning MAD Magazine into a Quarterly? I confess that I didn’t see this coming myself — but I should have; it’s exactly the sort of middle-of-the-road “weasel out” that executives in soulless media behemoth corporations specialize in! It’s like declaring a “trial separation” instead of a divorce. It’s like saying “Let’s date other people” when you really just want to break it off.

They’re also ceasing publication entirely of MAD Kids and MAD Classics; and permanently laying off “several” MAD staff. (And probably losing the interest of many of the remaining Usual Gang of Idiots; with 66.6 percent fewer Art or Script pages to sell?!! Hey, everybody’s got to make a living!)

Quarterly publication is going to be a disaster for a humor magazine like MAD! Just when they’ve been getting pretty good at shrinking their “topicality lead-time” (did you see how much Pres. Obama material was in the current issue, #498; that went to press a little over a month after the election!). From now on, with 3 months between issues, even the biggest and most satire-worthy news events are likely to get ignored. (“Will readers even remember this 3 months from now?” “Will it be totally irrelevant by then?”). I’m guessing that this will lead to even more “old, familiar MAD-style” pieces than ever. (“You KNOW you’re HAMSTRUNG as Humor-Magazine Editors WHEN…”) And, thus, making MAD even more of a “museum piece,” appealing mainly to those who LIKE it “1965-style!” But, new & younger readers they need to survive? Eh…not so much.

(BTW: Does anyone even know of a Quarterly magazine that’s successful? Are there ANY Quarterly magazines on the newsstands?)

Here’s my prediction: a year or two from now, after having done everything in its power NOT to give it a chance to survive, DC COMICS will announce that, “having given it every chance to survive,” we are ceasing publication of MAD Magazine.

Tags: MAD topics // 6 Comments »

Yes, it’s official: Hell has frozen over, and my Arizona Cardinals are actually going to the Superbowl! (Did you hear me at the NFC Championship Game in Phoenix last Sunday? I was the guy in Section 241 going “Woooo!” really loud.)

For all of you OUTSIDE the state who are surprised that the Cardinals won the NFC Championship…just imagine how shocked & stunned those of us INSIDE the state are!

Up until 3 weeks ago when they began their string of playoff wins, being a Cardinals fan was an exercise in Humility…Futility…and the Cruel Practical-Jokes that Fate and the Football Gods sometimes play on mortals. (Exhibit A: the infamous 2006 Monday Night game in which the Cardinals went 57 minutes of the way toward pulling the upset of the century against the Chicago Bears…then suddenly turned into a last-place Pop Warner team the final 3 minutes and gave back a 20-point lead!)

Up until 3 weeks ago, rooting for the Cardinals was like rooting for the Washington Generals over the Harlem Globetrotters; the Coyote over the Roadrunner; like always voting for the Libertarian presidential candidate, or worse, Ralph Nader!

Their last NFL Championship, as the Chicago Cardinals way back in 1947, leaves them with the 2nd longest drought in all of Pro Sports, behind only the (far more respected) Chicago Cubs. And the only other Cardinals title, in 1925, is still shrouded in controversy, with many believing that year’s crown rightfully belongs to a long-defunct team with the cartoonish name, “the Pottsville Maroons“ (?!!).

After they moved to St. Louis in 1960, they became “the football Cardinals,” so as to differentiate them as the ugly hidden-in-the-attic stepsister to the REAL Cardinals of baseball legend & lore. Such was the impression the team left on that city that, a few decades later, when they sprung the customary NFL-Owner’s Ultimatum (“New Stadium, or we’re Leaving”), the predominant response was…”Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”

So, in 1988, the team snuck out of St. Louis in broad daylight and moved to Phoenix, its 3rd city (or is it 4th? 5th? Who knows for sure, when they attract such little attention). For years, The chief preoccupation of local fans & sports media was coming up with exactly the right medical term to pair them up with, to describe their sickliness: “Cardiac Cardinals”? “Comatose Cardinals”? For their entire time playing at Sun Devil Stadium, Cardinals fans were routinely outnumbered by those cheering on the visiting team; in fact, some teams – most notably, the Dallas Cowboys – considered the trip to Tempe their (all-but-technically) “9th Home Game” of the year! Before this season’s success, the primary function of the Arizona Cardinals had become: “Team of Last Resort for Future Hall-of-Fame Players & Coaches Too Proud to Admit When their Active Careers are Over!”

But that’s all forgotten now: we’re going to the Superbowl! Just in time to see the face value on Superbowl tickets go over $1,000 for the first time. Lucky us.

Tags: Still more misc. // 1 Comment »

With the 17-zillionth flareup in the Eternal & Unsolvable Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, I’m reminded of perhaps the most surreal moments I ever witnessed on any of my 4 MAD trips. Let me paint the picture for you:

The Year: 1989. A resort hotel lobby in peaceful, neutrality-loving Switzerland, listening to Dave Berg and Sergio Aragones carry on a “spirited” discussion of the tit-for-tat history of the Middle East, whilst the latter works on pages of his (and Mark Evanier’s) comic book “Groo the Wanderer” spread over a large table. (BTW: Yes, it’s true: Sergio IS the Fastest Artist in the World!) Every so often, as the rising outrage- and volume-level of the arguments threatens to boil over, Dave turns to me, the new kid, to explain that “Sergio is one of my best friends!” To which Sergio reciprocates, “Absolutely! And Dave Berg is one of MY best friends!” “That’s right,” Dave says, “even though he actually believes that the Palestinians…” And then it’s back to the argument – to be interrupted again by Dave (the author of a 1960s book entitled, “My Friend, God”) telling me that “he’s not that religious”; that his views on Israel are strictly secular. And back to the argument…on and on, ad infinitum (pretty much like the conflict itself!)

Dave and Sergio were the only two MAD guys I ever heard get serious about Israel/Palestine. I guess everyone else knows in their bones what a “comedy killer” it is and, therefore, utterly pointless for a comedy writer to spend time thinking about (unless you happen to be a comedy writer living in Beersheba or Gaza City). One of my few forays into this topic was within a MAD piece I wrote called “CNN Sitcoms Based on News Stories They’ve Covered” – it was a faux sitcom called, “Shlomo Loves Fatima,” about an Israeli soldier during the intifada and the female Palestinian agitator “whose rock hits him like Cupid’s Arrow.” Apparently, I heard, even that was too much for some angry letter-writers. 

Other “Comedy Killer” subjects: let’s see, Cancer…Child Abuse…oh, the new kid on the block, 9/11, and of course, the JFK and Lincoln Assassinations (the other 2 presidential hit-jobs are theoretically okay…but it’s been ages since I’ve heard a good McKinley Assassination joke!)

Tags: MAD topics // 1 Comment »

The chart below shows MAD’s paid circulation over the past 5 decades (as reported by the magazine itself, and collected by MAD’s unofficial, but trusted, Keeper-of-the-Stats, Mike Slaubaugh). There are several interesting things on this chart, which I’ve labelled A through D, in red:

Letter A. There’s a theory in the MAD Community that the magazine was mainly a phenomenon of the Baby Boom Generation (those born between 1946 and 1964). Thus, the reasoning goes, the main “cause” of the declining readership of MAD was NOT (as I’ve argued) its failure to “change with the times” but merely the aging of the Boomers into adulthood, and right out of the core MAD-reading demographic. I don’t like this theory; it seems defeatist to me (and like an excuse for not having changed) — but, looking at this chart, it’s hard to dispute it. See, the year 1974 (“A”), when MAD reached its peak circulation of 2.1 million, also happens to be the 20th anniversary of the Median & Most-Populous Year of Baby Boomers, 1954 (which I happen to know because it includes ME, and I did indeed turn 20 years old, so the math works out fine!). The upshot of this “Median year”-business is, before 1974, the number of Baby Boomers Under Age 20 (available as MAD readers) INCREASED every year; after 1974, that number only DECREASED. The dramatic up-&-down plot of the MAD-circulation graph mirrors the entire Boomer Generation’s own movement through the pre-teen and teenage years. (And, don’t forget: despite the perennial hype about the size of the Baby Boom generation, it has long since been numerically eclipsed by both Gen-X and Gen-Y. Where are all of THEM on this graph?)

Letter B. Just look at that trend-line from, say 1979 to 1984! Wow! The then-editors must’ve been shitting their pants on a regular basis — losing fully HALF of their readers in 5 years! The most obvious cause, in addition to very last of the Boomers leaving their Teen years, is VIDEO GAMES. Specifically, Arcade Video Games – which ate up many a quarter otherwise destined to buy a copy of MAD. (But I would add another possible cause: the shifting of American Humor during this time toward the more raunchy, more ironic & conceptual, and more “biting” and rough — leaving relatively-mild & straightforward “MAD-style” Humor in the dust.)

Letter C. What’s this? A little uptick in circulation, maybe signaling a reversal of the general downward trend? Oop — false alarm. Resume the shitting of pants!

(Notice also, to the right of “C”: the years 1993/1994 – the birth of the Internet-as-we-know-it (not its “Arpa-Net“-ish precursors). What was MAD’s circulation then? Under 500,000, down from its 2.1 million peak. Hmm. So much for the argument that it’s the Internet that killed MAD. It had already lost 75% of its readers before the Net was even a twinkle in the eye of its father, Al Gore!)

Letter D. Now here’s the real mystery: the circulation plateau of about 200,000 from 2000 to 2007. Who are these people? (Whoever they are, 30,000 of ‘em just disappeared in the last year!) I’m sure that some of the 200,000 were “never-left” adult MAD readers (whom I personally know to exist: one was my family doctor in Nevada; another is a helicopter reporter for a major-market NBC-affiliate; yet another is a big political consultant in his 50s). And then there are the children (or grandchildren? Gulp!) of former MAD readers, enticed (badgered?) by their elders into reading it. But surely there MUST be at least some Gen-Y or “Millenial”-readers with no existing “family connection” to MAD who were somehow LURED IN by the magazine itself. Ah, THESE are the readers that must be captured, and studied, and replicated in a laboratory — quickly! — for MAD to have any chance of surviving past next year.

Tags: MAD topics // 12 Comments »

It’s no secret that MAD Magazine has been in trouble for awhile. Of course, magazines in general have been hemorrhaging readers big-time over the past few decades, but MAD is near the head (“foot?”) of that pack, losing over 90% of its paid circulation since the high of 2.1 million for the year 1974. During the past decade, they seemed to have settled into a stable (if dismal) range of 200,000 plus-or-minus 10,000…that is, until this past year. They’ve just published their latest annual Statement of Circulation (MAD#497, p. 6): the average per-issue Total Paid Circulation is way down to 170,000…with the “issue closest to filing date” coming in even worse at 167,000!

Yikes: that’s a 15% drop in just one year…with an additional 2% drop for the final month, just as a little extra “kick in the balls!”

(I knew this past year would probably be awful for MAD when, around last Christmas-time, they were calling up freelancers all over the country – including me, before I became The Felonious MAD-Blogger to them — and asking us to “check” to see if the magazine was getting onto our local newsstands. Not a good sign.)

Now for the rumor I’ve heard from half a dozen separate sources this year: MAD #500 will be the last one ever; 3 more issues and they’re calling it quits, at a nice, round number. I point out again that this is only RUMOR, nothing definitive, nothing from anyone actually in the position to “pull the plug.” But, still… (And all of the times I heard this rumor were before these latest worsening circulation numbers came out…and also before the financial-sector crisis that lead to the current general economic meltdown.)

Up Next: Some interesting things this graph says about “What the hell happened to MAD?”

Tags: MAD topics // 1 Comment »

Since nobody asked me…here’s what I can tell you about our homestate governor, Janet Napolitano, who was just nominated by Barack Obama to be our nation’s next Homeland Security Director:

First, let me warn you about something — because if I don’t, you’ll probably do an involuntary “spit-take” when you first encounter this: Napolitano has a horse-laugh you usually don’t hear coming out of a woman as petite as she is, or for that matter, anyone of either gender outside of a Blue Collar Comedy audience. Not that there’s anything “wrong” with that, I’m just saying — next couple times you find yourself listening to her speak informally on TV…put down your coffee cup or your beer!

I’m going to resist the urge to call Gov. Napolitano “Janet Reno’s ‘Mini-Me’” (whoa, see how I did it anyway? Hee-hee.)…but, let’s face it, the similarities are there: both are, ahem, “lifelong bachelorettes”…with sensible hair and shoes…and “sturdy builds.” But, to be serious (and nobody outside Arizona believes this!) — the question of her sexual orientation has never come up, publicly, in any of her election campaigns. (Now, privately - that’s another matter!)

What kind of a Homeland Security Director will she make? I’d say pretty good. Look, the only thing we really have to judge whether a Homeland Security Director is worth a damn is how they look during the supposedly impromptu “Media Opportunity” after each natural or man-made disaster. Think back on all the stiff, stumbling, and insincere “performances” of Michael Chertoff or Tom Ridge! Blecchhh! Well, Napolitano is different. At least she can ACT the part. Every summer, when 2 or 3 whole Arizona counties decide to completely burn themselves up, she’s right there, “Janet-on-the-spot,” in between the TV cameras and a bunch of firefighters several feet taller than her. But, God love her, she’s got this Annie Oakley-persona full of earnestness and gumption and moxie – shit, you could actually picture her helping out with the firehoses and the shovels, and then having a couple beers with the fire crew afterwards!

One other thing I have to mention that’s not hugely important, but it is somewhat interesting in a “strange coincidences the Universe pulls on us” sort of way. And, what the heck, this could actually win you some weird bar bet some time (or not). Anyway, this is it: if and when Napolitano becomes Homeland Security Director, she will be succeeded as Governor by the Secretary of State, a woman named Jan Brewer; and the Governor before Napolitano was Jane Hull. Ergo: come January 20, the state of Arizona will have had THREE consecutive FEMALE governors named: “Jane,” “Janet,” and “Jan.”

“Jane…Janet…Jan.”

Make of that what you will. (I personally think it’d make a helluva Mantra or chant to open meetings of N.O.W., or better yet, EMILY’S LIST, the organization devoted to getting more women elected. You’re welcome, gals — just be sure and spell my name right on the royalty checks!)

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Well, for those who haven’t heard, the Heritage Auction of original MAD art (see posts below) was held last Friday and took in an amazing $750,000 – more than double the pre-auction estimates. Good for them! That should keep the DC/TIME, Inc. wolves away from the magazine’s door for awhile longer.

The piece fetching the highest price was, as expected, the original Norman Mingo cover art for MAD #30 (December 1956) – the first cover with Alfred E. Neuman and the phrase “What – me worry?” It sold for an impressive $203,150 (including the auction house’s commission) — which I read is the most ever paid for a piece of original comic art.

The AP story about this auction also says: “A Grammy-nominated singer and songwriter who requested anonymity was the winning bidder of three other MAD art covers.” Ooooh! I love a Mystery! Now, who could that be? My first guess was the composer of the haunting and immortal 1965 MAD ditty, “It’s a Gas!” But then I remembered the old Grammy bias against “pressed-onto-cardboard-&-stuck-inside-a-magazine” recordings, so…nix that one. Second guess – one I’m sure has already occurred to many of you –  “Weird Al” Yankovich. But, alas, this is also a “nix”: Al is actually a 3-time Grammy WINNER, in addition to “nominee,” and nobody in show biz ever UNDER-states their credits, even when trying to be anonymous! Well, those two guesses have left me tired out and in need of a nap…so how about some guesses from YOU all? Just put them in the comments, and if we ever find out who the mystery bidder actually is, I’ll present the winner with…uhh,  a virtual gold star!

ONE FINAL NOTE directed at the winning bidders and new owners of the MAD art who may be generously considering Dick DeBartolo’s suggestion to donate them back to magazine: DON’T do it! The DC vampires would just sell them again! Donate them to Dick personally, or to someone in Bill Gaines’ family — hell, even one of the editorial interns would appreciate it more!

Tags: MAD topics // 2 Comments »

[Note: In a display of impeccable timing, here now is this blog's first post about "MAD-TV" -- the very week it's being CANCELED by the Fox Network after 14 years on the air!]

There’s never been much of a connection between the show and the magazine besides the name and few trademark characters (such as Spy vs. Spy and Alfred’s face); and the few MAD Magazine writers who ever wrote on the show (Arnie Kogen being the only one that comes to my mind). Oh, and then there’s the matter of the “chunk of change” MAD gets from the show’s production company for using the MAD name & stuff on every episode. I’ve heard conflicting stories about how much money that actually is – ranging from “eye-popping” to “eh, not much” – but whatever the amount, it can’t be good to be losing ANY revenue stream at a time when you’ve just been forced to sell off the last of your original cover art (that you swore you’d never sell, “no matter how high the offer!”)

Our first look at MAD TV, even before its premiere in the fall of 1995, was when the magazine offices sent out to all of us a preview dub-tape of a few partial episodes. Lots of people, including me, were actually quite surprised at how good it was…and also a little confused about how the name “MAD” related to this particular sketch-comedy show.

Even though there was a lot of head-scratching at first, the appeal of using the pre-existing MAD “brand” to try and jump-start a new TV comedy show is pretty obvious (if somewhat “strained” in this case). But, surprise, surprise: it soon became a case of the tail wagging the dog as MAD-TV rather quickly caught on and actually (gasp!) exceeded the magazine in popularity. Even in its worst ratings years — say, last year — the show attracted well over 10 times the number of eyeballs as the magazine, which has been bumping along the bottom with a paid circulation of around 200,000 for most of the past decade.

(To those of us associated with the magazine, the most obvious sign of its being eclipsing by the show is the total change in likely responses we get from “civilians” whenever we say “I write/draw for MAD Magazine.” Before the show, it was always either “Oh, I used to read MAD as a kid” or “Are they still around?” Ever since the show first took off, it’s been “‘There’s a MAD Magazine?!! Never heard of it.” or “Is that anything like MAD-TV?”)

One other impact of the show’s popularity: it was generally a lot more “edgy” (that word again!) than the magazine or even than its TV big-brother, Saturday Night Live — especially when it came to the subject matter of Race. I’m sure that this brought added pressure down on the magazine to be more edgy itself — that’s my own recollection, verified by a quick rifling through my old MAD papers for the sudden increase about this time in Editor’s Memos about “getting more edgy”. Not to mention the infamous Issue #356 (April 1997), MAD’s largest single leap into alleged “edginess”…and, I’m pretty sure, also its greatest “Irate-Letter-Generating” issue, to date.

David Saltzman, the co-producer of MAD-TV, is quoted in Variety as saying they’re hopeful about getting the show picked up by another network for next year. Good. I think it’s a show worth saving. If for no other reason than having something around to keep the name “MAD” alive.

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If you’ve been anywhere near a radio this past week, you know that Christmas music has started! (In fact, some stations were already playing it on Halloween Day!) Am I the only one who finds it a little unsettling? No, not just the extra-early onset of Christmas music…I’m talking about the actual Christmas songs they’re playing this year:

• “I’m Dreaming of Still Having a Job This Christmas”
• “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like the 1930s”
• “All I want for Christmas is some Food Stamps”
  
• “Let there be Credit Market Liquidity on Earth”
  
• “I saw Mommy ‘doing’ Santa for some extra Christmas money”
  
• “Deck the Halls with Eviction Notices”
  
• “I’ll be Homeless for Christmas”
  
• “Jingle Bailout”
  
• “Rockin’ Around the Picture of Last Year’s Christmas Tree”
  
• “Here we come a-panhandling”
  
• “Gramma got run over by another banker in a BMW committing suicide”

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