- Today on Wall Street, there are only 2 positions: “Cash”…and “Fetal”
- Q. What’s the capital of Iceland? A. About $3.50
- “I went to buy a toaster — they threw in a free Bank!”
- Q: In these busy market times, how can you get the attention of your broker? A: Say, “Hey, waiter!”
- Q. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start.
- Q. What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A. A large pizza can feed a family of four.
- “This Financial Crisis is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”
- “Get my broker, Miss Jones.” “Yes sir. Stock, or Pawn?”
- Q. How do you get a broker down from a tree? A. Cut the rope.
[I can't take credit (or blame) for any of the above; the funniest thing in my life at the moment is the hilarious number that Chas. Schwab must've mistakenly put on my monthly statement next to "Current IRA value!" - MS]