“I saw Mommy sitting on Santa’s, uh… ‘candy cane’”
Is anyone as creeped out by this commercial as I am? In case you haven’t seen it, I’m talking about this latest in a seemingly infinite series of ads for something called “Enzyte” - a supposed erectile-dysfunction remedy with a catch: it makes no claims whatsoever, doesn’t even use actual terms for the thing it may or may not be able to fix — instead just relying on bad erection-puns to telegraph the message to “needy” male viewers that, hey, this might be just the thing for that chronic lack of wood in their shorts.
(We laugh, but someone must be actually buying this stuff — the commercials for it have been on for years! Unless there’s some eccentric, single-minded billionaire like George Soros, pumping virtually unlimited amounts of his own money into keeping it going, like George with MoveOn.org.)
Anyway, this latest installment in the life of the recurring main character, the Formerly-Limp “Bob,” has him playing Santa at the office Xmas Party as the announcer says, with all the vocal subtlety of Benny Hill, that “this chubby Santa” now has “a sack full of pride” and the one “gift” that “every lady loves!” The camera shifts to the long line of women waiting for their turn with Santa, all leering and giggling like porn actresses playing innocent schoolgirls about to have their first sexual experience. Finally, one of them, with the biggest “Do me!”- look on her face, slinks seductively over and…gasp!...sits on Santa/Bob’s Enzyte-enhanced lap…and, presumably, his now-hard “candy cane.”
Where to start? In trying to puzzle my way through this strange ad, I naturally discarded the literal interpretation of the “story.” (How much sexual friction is it even possible to get through 1/8″ of red velvet? Plus which, the HR dept. of this company would be busy for the next 5 years with all the Sexual Harassment issues in this scene!) Which leaves the symbolic interpretations. But, c’mon, are there really any adult females (or males!) actually having sexual fantasies, or sexual thoughts of any kind, about Santa Claus?! Sure, there was that film “Bad Santa” a few years ago, where Lauren Graham could only “get her rocks off” with a guy in a Santa suit — but that was Coen Brothers World, not the non-bizarro one the rest of us inhabit.
So, since it’s likely that no “normal” person would be subliminally lit up by this this ad … it suddenly dawned on me: I know exactly what demographic it’s aimed at. I’m talking about Pedophile Mall Santas. (Oh, don’t look at me like that; you know they’re out there!). Pedophile Mall Santas who can no longer “get it up” over the prepubescent little Susie or Debbie (or Johnny or Todd) sitting on their lap!
Of course, I could be wrong. In case any lawyers are reading this.
On a side note, there’s one more aspect to this commercial I find disturbing: it seems to be airing far more heavily on Comedy Central than any other cable network — I saw it 3 times during one 30-minute show yesterday. Now, is that because the people at Enzyte just got a smoking deal on ad rates there…or are we, the Community of Comedy Consumers & Providers, being singled out as an especially target-rich pool of potential Enzyte customers? I’m not sure, but I think I feel insulted. Then again, you do have to admit they might be on to something; I mean, it is kinda difficult to have sex while you’re laughing. Even more difficult when you’re being laughed at. Or so I’ve heard.
Normally I don’t defend commercials; but, this one is plain adult fun on a sensitive subject. One of the characteristic of innuendo is its subjective interpretation you’ve certainly expressed your bent on this subject.. Perhaps counseling can help.
As an annual town Santa, I’d have to agree with the literal interpretation and discount your illiterate (sic) interpretation. The innuendo in this commercial is very carefully crafted. You started with your personal interpretation of the innuendo and worked backward to perversion. I’ll start from personal experience.
Mrs. Claus has come to accept the attention lavished on Santa every year by girls and boys, men and women young and old alike. Young or old, most just want to give Santa nothing more than their Christmas wish list with items appropriate for the age group. On the adult side, yes, you’ve heard it here; Santa is an adult (shock, horror). Santa, who like all well adjusted normal adults, loves children appropriately, can and does make a distinction between knock knock jokes and “lil Johnny” jokes. On one hand, I can love and appreciate the simple fact that I can put a smile on most anyone’s face with a 2 cent peppermint candy cane. The lists from the youngsters are as innocent and boring as you’d expect from someone that age. The list from adults on the other hand is what you might expect and can and sometimes does put the song “Santa Baby” to shame. The kind of corruption you put in your article, I resent. Lest someone think exactly as you do, Santa watches his behavior very carefully to completely avoid misunderstanding, even so with the adults. Santa is a purely good character, corrupted only in the minds of a few aberrated souls. Even thinking such things, shame on you. But, I’d have to give you credit for outing yourself;